A little while ago, a friend thanked me for not having made her feel weird for having come over for coffee in a house that perhaps was not on the shortlist for “Better Homes and Gardens.” And I was glad she thanked me by text, because as I was writing my text back, I stopped, and thought about the words that were on the screen in front of me, and I realised that I didn't like them.
I nearly said what I've heard many people say, what I myself have said before, “I came to see you, not your house.” And I've never taken that phrase badly, and I never will. I understand what people mean by it. But I'll never use it again.
Because I did go to see her house. I went to see her, and her house, and the whole of her existence, in a week that was perhaps not the easiest week she'd ever had. I went to see her unfiltered, unhashtagged, uncropped, unvarnished life.
As Christians, we talk about wanting to be real people, to share our real struggles, to walk with one another in openness and honesty and trust and accountability. Usually, we mean that in the sense of the “spiritual” parts of our lives – our walk with God, our sins, our striving for spiritual growth. And while it should mean that, it should mean more than that. One of my cousins has Mark 3:14 as just about her favourite verse, “[Jesus] appointed twelve, whom he also named apostles, so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach.” (emphasis mine). Preceding mission came “being with,” and of course we know that that included teaching, but it was so much more: a daily “with” that brought them into alignment with Jesus' values and priorities and manner of life. They didn't just know what their teacher thought about things, but also how he handled surly shopkeepers, oppressive taxes, and the common cold. And so we, too, in the church, are called to be with each other – not just the edited Sunday morning version of ourselves, but in all the realities of our saddness and joy and confusion and overwhelm, the times when we're handling life well, and the times when we're just pleased that our families got fed that day.
I went to see my friend, and her house, and her life, and just be with her. And I am thankful that she is willing to see me and my life and my inadequacies, and just be with me, as we muddle forward together in relationship, as family, towards Christlikeness.
This is great Ashley. We only get to know each other better when we see each other behind the edited versions we put when we are out in public. I guess, then, spiritual maturity also involves living in authenticity wherever one is such that to know me you don't have to search hard because all you see is all there is. Dallas Willard talks about this in The Divine Conspiracy.
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